Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Day 22: Funk Coffee + Food, 45 Grenfell St & Saldechin, 21 King William St


It's a sad day when work gets in the way of blogging. MMC and friend had agreed to meet at King William Street's Saldechin, but MMC's eleventh hour deadline left friend of MMC in the lurch. MMC needed somewhere quick, somewhere close to the office, somewhere to dash in-and-out-of without the superiors noticing. With Pirie all blogged out, it was coffee franchises to the rescue. Enter Funk Coffee, newbie on Grenfell. The Order: one lonely latte, hit and run. The price: $3.20.

Funk Coffee + Food are so well set up it's almost scary. A stone's throw from legal eagledom at 'the black stump', the newest Funk sibling is the essence of clean, white-collar marketing.
A spoonful of google proves this is no accident -  they're online as clients of marketing wizards dcstrategy. Firing at 'corporate offices' in 'concentrated business districts', Funk marketing and Funk stores are shiny, hassle-free, and completely complementary to corporate attire.

Meanwhile, across town, friend of MMC is in a venue somewhat less streamlined. Blog contenders for novelty value alone, Saldechin's elephantine space claims to straddle tearoom, restaurant and martini bar, not to mention yum cha, fusion tapas, cellar door wine, furniture showroomery and online tea sales. Even the name boggles - a conjunction of salon de chinois  - French, but after a 16th century Chinese style gathering of intellectuals. Initially enchanted, friend of MMC texts 'shame to get takeaway, quite the have-here vibes'.

Back in the clutches of clean, aggressive marketing, MMC is having one of those rare 'customer service experiences'. The Shopspace: Funk's a little buried at the base of the building, but the bench vibe outdoors makes the strip hot lunchtime property. The store is wide, but not prohibitively deep - eye contact is immediate on entry. The Greeting: jovial, professional. MMC plays nice and earns a simple grey Funk stampcard (eleventh free). The entire transaction is cucumber cool. As MMC blends into the cloud of waiting corporates, the owner smiles at the obvious wisdom of his franchising choice. Like a deer with a target-marked forehead, MMC is, to borrow Fitzgerald, "both enchanted and repelled" by the marketing headlights. 

The Lesson: perhaps today's marketing moral is akin to the K.I.S.S. principle. Keep it simple, Saldechin. At one-trick-pony Funk, everything runs smoothly. The Service: smooth. The Pour: smooth. The Flavour: smooth. The Blend: 'from the best Arabica beans... creamy and smooth'. It's 'drink meet eat' like they promised - entirely simple. Juggling a fusion styles and substances, show ponies Saldechin dropped the ball on coffee. Friend of MMC will never forget his five dollar foray, and word-of-mouth marketing is out to play...

The latte word: for Funk Coffee - definitely above average at 3.5 beans out of five. At Saldechin, we're scraping the barrel - one half, that's 0.5, beans out of 5. To make it up to friend of MMC, our next leap is to a Leigh Street legend for My Morning Coffee.

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