Day 1: Bean Bar, 1/117 King William

First day of summer job, and a nervous-slash-sleepy MMC starts basic at a friendly franchise. The Bean Bar on King William, 8.30am. Proximity to bus stop: good. Bright orange signage: welcoming. Staff: smiling. Order: small skim latte, takeaway. Price: $4.00.

$4? F-O-U-R dollars! Have I been living in a parallel universe?
I still remember the 09 day when an handsome Melbourne Street $3.30 caused me to cough politely on payment. I have to crack out a fifty, and it’s far too early for that to feel good. Friend of MMC goes large for $4.70 without an eyelash bat. I feel grinchy. Expectations soar.

Shopfront: tiny, but staff are savvy enough not to take names and shout at us. Also none of that caring-but-creepy questioning re: sugar. Shopspace: a tad awkward. We opt to hover on the footpath outside. Turnover: quick. Presentation: unlidded, but the treacherous uncovered carry is only a few steps. The Pour: instantly, obviously, heartbreakingly not up to scratch! But maybe you can’t judge a book by its… bubbles. Houston, we have "bubbly froth". Wait! Reserve judgment! The flavour could be the saver.

Flavour: what flavour? I just burned my tongue! Temperature: hot. Too hot. As I read later, a higher temperature will be harder for the tongue to analyse. The tongue is a muscle and reacts to heat. Milk with a temperature well over 70 dC damn well does burn the tongue. I sulk. Halfway to work, I appreciate that I’m carrying a double espresso shot. The generic mild malt is not unpleasant. But it's pale, my milk bubbles have burst. Dishwater. Friend of MMC is not so lucky. He also fears he’s been given a double shot. In a generous 500ml of milk. The phrase ‘worst coffee ever’ may have been used. But this is surely hyperbole. It’s only day one.

Lesson (if I can be so bold): milk should be heated to 60 dC. This will give it a pleasant pouring temperature of 65 to 70 dC. In 1994, an American woman was awarded $2 million in damages after McDonalds served her coffee that was Too Hot. Sure, she poured it on her privates in the car and suffered third degree burns. And yes, the Stella awards for the world's most vexatious lawsuits ARE named in her honour. But still.

The latte word: 2 beans out of 5. If you’re the type to carry your coffee to your desk before a’drinkin’, then maybe the KW BB is for you. But if, like MMC, you treasure that first, magical, street-corner sip (and the change you get from a fiver), then you’ll want to meet me tomorrow for My Morning Coffee.

Link: Liebeck vs McDonald's Restaurants